About Today

The National

I heard this EP called CHERRY TREE back in 2005 when prepping to shoot our movie CALVIN MARSHALL. Right about when our production account would soon be awarded from the deposits of a professional baseball player investment group. After a champagne celebration in LA went down, Annie and I put all our possessions in storage and relocated to New Mexico with our dog, Sedona.

Eight weeks later? Their deposits never hit the bank. Many years later, our film PHOENIX, OREGON explored this kind of panic. 😳😅

Regardless, the work had to stop, because our famous investors backed out. Or perhaps they were never really “in”.

So we left our sets half built on an Albuquerque soundstage and headed back west, feeling like failures. This betrayal and set-back was almost unbearable. Annie and I were forced to come out of pocket and pay the crew with our own money for the work completed up to that point. It ultimately cost our Santa Monica company a lot of time and money. Not to mention, momentum — which had vanished as our debts piled higher. Trying to get a movie made for millions of dollars is not for the faint of heart.

So that brings us to this song. I remember playing this EP a lot at the time and this track became an anthem of sorts, marking this particular hurdle in my life and career.

This song also announced THE NATIONAL as a seriously terrific band working at a high level and making their own rules about genre and style. So love this guitar and drum vibe, with that cello and understated vocals. And these lyrics are so personal to me, because I saw our film slipping away from us — something our team had worked for years to get made. Annie and I literally sacrificed everything during that stretch — our home, our money, our sanity. We literally gave it our all — all our time, 7 days a week 24/7. And it felt like we had reached the end of this ramshackle road. When we got back to Santa Monica, I gave up the dream, called it quits and set out to get a normal job.

How close am I to losing?

Ironically, this experience greatly impacted the eventual movie CALVIN MARSHALL that we made, because during this debacle, I learned exactly how Calvin would’ve felt when his dream went up in flames. Now I knew.

As Thanksgiving approaches next week, I’m feeling like this is a good exercise. Just to grieve a few losses as we get closer to a day of thanks. I’m really excited to voice and feel gratitude in 2022.

Today
You were far away
And I
Didn't ask you why

What could I say?
I was far away
You just walked away
And I just watched you

What could I say?
How close am I
To losing you?
Tonight

You just close your eyes
And I just watch you
Slip away
How close am I
To losing you?

Hey, are you awake?
Yeah, I'm right here
Well can I ask you
About today?

How close am I
To losing you?
How close am I
To losing?